Just like you cant get pregnant when you do it standing up, why do we use the same logic about what we eat?

What is it about management of our food intake that means our brain is firmly lodged at the far end of our digestive tract so that any spurious nonsense is held up as an acceptable excuse?

I am desperately trying to lose weight and get healthier and have joined this and other websites to help the process. In all of the forums there are posts that make me grind my teeth because people are saying things like I've been on a calorie controlled diet for 9 days and whoops one day off and I havent lost weight THAT day or I have low carbed and lost weight weight but SURPRIZE, SURPRIZE have put it back on when I went back to 'normal' eating, I'm not worried but has anyone else had this experience???

We all know the score, reduce our calorie intake and increase our energy expenditure. But results take time.

We will none of us reach our target next week (unless you only have 2 lbs to go). Why do we expect instant weight loss? How long did it take you to put it all on?

Can we be honest and admit - this is hard - if it was easy we wouldn't be here?

I honestly don't believe that food is the issue, thats the easy part.

The hard part is getting the RIGHT food in our mouths in the right QUANTITIES. The hard part is getting our bodies MOVING as it should.

The hard part is telling our spouse, parents, friends, colleagues to stop being helpful by abusing us in the name of encouragement (the abusive pet or otherwise names) or 'forgetting' we are trying to change as they bring in fish and chips or offer us chocolates, telling us 'you're not fat/ don't need to lose weight/are okay as you are.

Don't forget they have a vested interest in keeping us as we are - it may be that we are the fat friend, or the spouse he/she doesn't have to worry about because no one will fancy you.

The hard part is our own mental change. We keep us as we are, what keeps us lazy couch potatoes, what will we have to hide behind once the fat goes? what will be our excuse then not to......LIVE....

I am inviting you all to be honest with yourselves.

Post your excuses, and nonsense here, read it and laugh and LEAVE it here so we can climb our own personal Everest with one less burden.

Wow what a refreshing post.

Got to hand it to you - you are absolutely right. I am quite certain I won't reach my target next week - it could take a year or more depending on whether I get any distractions on the way - at the moment I'm focused - the tough time will be a few months down the line when I get bored of being good, or I've hit a plateau and become disillusioned - that's really when I'm going to need all the support I can get.

The portions we eat here have been too big - our diet is fairly healthy - lots of veg etc but we have been known to eat a meal that should last two nights in one!!!! Guess we aren't alone there. You get used to the size of meal and feel hard done by if you get less. Trying the smaller plate idea. Seems to be helping.

Anyway this is a great post...

Sam x

brenda - i've said somewhere before on this site I don't believe there is one overweight person on this earth that doesn't know how to lose weight. I think the hardest part is convincing ourselves that we can do it. I think all our goals should be something like by June I want to weight less than I do now. Are we not setting ourselves up for a fall by actually putting a figure on it? Of course one could say all this talk is detrimental, after all slim people don't think about food 24/7 like I do

Hmm... food. It can become an obsession and an addiction. It makes us feel good and then bad if we have too much of it. Food is love, and comfort. Like when we first suckle on our mothers breast. It is telling us that we need this to survive. It also lets us know that we can feel safe and secure in the warmth of our mothers arms. It is one of the first things we will do when we have been birthed. We are cradled, touched and then we feed. Of course what happens then when we are being weaned moulds how we view food and how we begin to attach ourselves to food. Have we been given food that is healthy, wholesome and nutritious? or have our parents sucumbed to aggressive advertising and bought jared rubbish thinking they were providing us with the 'best'? or did our parents only feed us with processed meals and burgers because they didn't have the same opportunity when they were children, and therefore thinking that they are treating us. I disagree that everyone knows how to loose weight. It depends on circumstances, environment, what has been nurtured into our lives and how we live, to the trauma and emotional challenges that we have faced in the past. Food can become an addiction and habit, like smoking, alcoholism and substance misuse. It is about control or the lack of and the psycological impact that our lives have brought about. If we can tackle the psychological and emotional deluge that makes us addctively and habitually eat either in abundance or unhealthily then that's probably how we can make ourselves healtlier and loose the weight for good.

Right, I'm going to have some chocolate cake now.

brenda, love your post.
am stuck in a weekly cycle of being 'good' through the week then 'treating myself' friday/saturday night which means i start from the beginning again every monday. its really interesting that i can offer good advice to others on this site and can post motivational messages but can i follow my own advice or listen to my own motivation? no.
its good to get things into perspective and be realistic, but we live in a world where in magazines, women are blasted for being a curvy size 12!!! what chance do we stand when being a size 8 seems to be the ultimate goal in life!
thats why this site is so good because it is full of normal people with normal issues
good luck to all of us i say, and there is more to life than being a size 8!!!

brenda, you are absolutely right in that yes we do expect miracles! we're human! When the experts tell you, as i have read in many articles, that the equation is simple- eat less + exercise more = weight loss- often in a slightly derogatory tone, then you do that religiously for ooh 8 or 9 days and lose zippo, its hard to keep the initial zeal going without having a bit of a moan. You are inspirational in saying that we should look to June before we look at our results- am going to look at the long term definately, but please forgive the occasional whinge. Its hard !
Keep going all!!

Hello Brenda,
I love food - there is not much i won't eat. I always feel the need for something sweet atfter a meal. The meal may have been healthy, there is fresh fruit there but what I really want is chocolate/cake etc etc.

I manage reasonably well during the week as I look after the coocking, but my husband likes to cook at the weekend. Just eaten a gorgeous steak & ale pie. If I don't eat it all will he be offended? I don't want to leave any its really tasty. Ah well there is always tomorrow.
Clare

Thank you all so much for being so kind in your responses. I've only been a member about 2 wks and so many of the posts in here have been great, really supportive and informative. I was struggling today trying to resist the V&T a bowl of ice cream and Xmas choccies when I came across some posts that just sent me off on one - the above is the very edited version hence the lack of consistency.

Joanne, I totally empathise with anyone who has a whinge, but what really pulls my chain is when people reitterate the same rubbish that got us this size and state of health and keeps us here and expect others to collude with their nonsense.

I am serious about trying to get healthy and I truly believe that most people on here are too, so whinge away when you are having a bad day and I will sympathise but what I wont do is listen to somebody say the equivalent of 'oh well it doesn't count if I eat it standing up' then say oooh poor luv, when they stick/weigh more. I will call you on it.

Su - Im calling you on what you say. Thats all a bunch of fat -itude platitudes and excuses. In a modern western society and if you read the Times don't tell me you dont know how to lose weight or what is or is not healthy.

I totally agree that we learn what we live and our emotional habits and responses to food are strong and indeed can range from reactionary to addiction. If your responses are that extreme you need psycological help. That is a given. But for most folk those links and habits are breakable with a lot of hard work.

Sam, we have all set unrealistic goals, but like i said how many of us got fat overnight? Doing it in stages is currently working for me - including buying odd things that are half a size too small for me (I have a delicious little black suede jacket that I will feel great wearing in a couple of weeks). It's my reward; and as it only a bit too tight its attainable. Note the emphasis on feeling great - and feeling great lasts sooo much longer than chocolate (except on the hips). Pick your reward people but non-food ones!

Catherine & Clare, both your posts made me laugh. Talk about holding up a mirror! I used to go to weight watchers and all the talk about food had my head spinning straight into the Chinese. I'd buy a meal for 2 and eat it all. I could get away with it then because I was home alone during the week.

Another time, I lived on apples and cuppa soup during the day and a single LARGE evening meal. Come the week end family sized bars of chocolate, and cake and custard my down fall, but it was the week end right? I mean I'd been good all week! I wont even mention red wine or vodka!

And NO Clare - not tomorrow, enjoy the steak and ale pie but a smaller portion and go back to healthy eathing as soon as you finish it.

Like you all, I can give good advice. Bit harder following it! But Ive been goodish today, not perfect but good. The lure of my jacket calls, Im off to try it on again.

Oh and the best trick I've learned, STOP BEATING YOUR SELF UP!

There`s absolutely nothing" wrong" with letting go at the weekend - in fact for some people it`s the only way to get through the week of low cal. low fat, low whatever eating! The point is to realise that we do all overeat . I`m always horrified when I actually weigh what i`m eating - no wonder i have excess weight to shed! Weekends are always going to be harder, out of weekday routine, family around, meals out wiht friends, drinks with mates etc etc . What is important is that we don`t lose sight of our goals , and regard a "diet" as nothing more than a healthier eating plan - that`s a lot more positive. and other people seem to accept that better than saying you`re on a diet. It also gives you more control in a way, as you won`t have others doing the " you don`t need to lose weight, you`re fine!" talk at you. Instead they admire you for trying to be healthier. i keep quiet about " dieting" and if offered my favourite cake I say i `m not really hungry, or I fancy something else for a change. So no-one knows!

My weight issue for me has little to do with common sense. I understand completely the issues behind excess intake compared to burning up the calories.

I am active, so that isn't a issue for me: I actually enjoy exercise.

My problem is completely psychological. I eat and snack when I'm not hungry and that cycle isn't easily broken.

hi brenda..

wow what a great post...you write so well...you're absolutely right it being about breaking/changing habits...sticking to a healthy diet and getting off our arses!!

right i'm going to take the dogs out for a walk.....

When the experts tell you, as i have read in many articles, that the equation is simple- eat less + exercise more = weight loss- often in a slightly derogatory tone, then you do that religiously for ooh 8 or 9 days and lose zippo, its hard to keep the initial zeal going without having a bit of a moan.

My zeal right now is zilch! I have suffered, I tell you, suffered! And for what? I haven't lost a pound! I may as well have been pigging myself with chocolate, drinking copious amounts of red wine and adopting the couch potato position in front of the TV, while eating Doritos with my favourite fattening dip. I really do feel like giving up at times.

And I am making mental excuses for the lack of weight loss. Possibly a thyroid problem (runs in the family), possibly the pill, possibly my scales are wrong, possibly I am being abducted nightly by aliens and intravenously fed with fattening foods (well, maybe not the last one). Yes, I have had the odd lapse (shock, I had a glass of wine last night) but even with the odd lapse my calories per day have been under about 1200.

But I am not giving up yet. I am trying to think of the positives. I am exercising well and enjoying some of the exercising. I am healthy. I am full of energy so I do think cutting out the crap has been beneficial. I probably need to just focus on that and forget the weight loss and hope it comes eventually.

I'm with you Sue, you're right - don't give up.
I, too feel that same way:



I also know all the theory - I've been a veggie for 26 years and have always had a healthy diet, and I've always been slim.

I've only put weight on since I stopped running. But after a lifetime of eating at a particular level it's hard to adjust.

That's it really, it's hard! And I have to do it. Now.

Herbie

Forums like this one are great for support and it helps to know other people are having the same issues/problems losing weight.

It used to be that five years ago I would go on a diet and lose weight and generally keep it off. It wasn't rock science. I watched what I ate, portion size, exercised and the weight would come off. For some reason that just isn't working now. That is why I am getting despondent.

Hi Sue,

1940 calories is the recommended daily intake for women - that's 740 calories more than you are currently taking in on average.

According to research taking in such a low amount of calories my have a damaging effect on the body and brain in the short and long term. If you are putting on weight, a trip to the doctor might be advisable to rule out your suspicions of a thyroid problem etc.

In regards to the other comments:
I think it's important to bear in mind that while there is a great deal of pressure from outside sources, making us feel that we need to lose weight, tone up every muscle and generally be figures of air-brushed perfection, this can only be resolved by changing the way we react to that pressure and the stock we put in other people's opinions and women's magazine rhetoric.

Can I first say that my wanting to lose weight is nothing to do with outside sources or to conform with perfection? I don't give a fig about other people's opinions either. I feel healthier/fitter when I lose the excess weight.

As for recommended daily calorie intake, I wonder if it would vary according to height. I am only five feet tall. I find it hard to believe that anyone would lose weight on an intake of 1940 calories. That seems a bit excessive. According to my stats on the food section of my home page, I should be consuming 1270 calories. Are you saying that is way too low? Also, on an average of 1200 calories I am not hungry. I am doing without the foods I love but I don't feel hunger pangs. Surely if my calorie intake was too low I would be feeling weak or ill or tired. As I previously said, I have been feeling extremely healthy since I started adopting this healthier lifestyle.

As it happens, I do have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow and I hope they will agree to a blood test to rule out thyroid problems.

hi sue i sympathise!..

it must be frustrating not to see any results.! weight wise...but maybe its a case of what you're eating as opposed to how much.?? and are you sure you're accounting for everything you eat maybe you're eating more than you think?....maybe your body has gone into "starvation mode"..ie it 's hanging onto the weight for as long as possible..it thinks there's a shortage of food...or maybe you're not eating enough protein i read somewhere you have to eat at least 8oz of protein a day..and drink plenty of water and vary your exercise because your body accomodates to routine...just a few thoughts...also maybe you have an allergy/insensitivity to certain foods which causes water retention?..all worth looking into??

good luck dont get disheartened...

jane

Thanks Jane.

I am on a high protein diet so I think protein is one thing I am getting enough of! I really am being stringent on writing everything down too. I have heard a few people mention starvation mode and the body hanging onto the fat in different threads. I would not discount that but I doubt it. It is hard to know what to do for the best. When I was eating 'normally' I wasn't eating excessively and the weight was creeping up.

Edited to say, I have in the past been on what I would term stupid diets i.e. cabbage soup, Slimfast, and they left me feeling weak and tired. I can well believe I was in some kind of starvation mode then. This is the first diet I have been on where I haven't felt hungry and have felt physically very well.

>>>The hard part is telling our spouse, parents, friends, colleagues to stop being helpful by abusing us in the name of encouragement (the abusive pet or otherwise names) or 'forgetting' we are trying to change as they bring in fish and chips or offer us chocolates...Don't forget they have a vested interest in keeping us as we are - it may be that we are the fat friend, or the spouse he/she doesn't have to worry about because no one will fancy you<<<

Describes my mother to a t. My mother is clinically obese, I am not. On lunch dates out together she will nag nag nag me and tell me how fat I am, how horrible I look and how I should be ashamed of myself (and then wonder why I don't meet her more often). I'll have soup and herbal tea for lunch (my normal lunch, not for her benefit) and she'll then nag nag nag that I don't eat enough...shesh! What's a girl to do. And then, to add insult to injury the old boot will buy me all butter flapjack from M&S (my biggest weakness, but the fat content is horrific), even if I put it back, she'll just go round again and pick it up when I'm not looking and slip it into my bag.

I give up. Then I get home and I'm so tired and emotional I eat the damn thing, drink wine and feel totally hideous. Vicious circle. I know she's reflecting her insecurities on me, but I do sometimes wonder if she's blind when she tries to crowbar me into clothes two sizes too big.

ARGH!!!!!!!

Some people equate food with loving. My mother does much the same thing, trying to encourage me to eat foods that I don't want because it makes her feel better that I am eating. But whatever the reason your mother is doing it, it sounds like a bit of a vicious circle that needs breaking. It is curious. On the one hand she is insulting you for weight gain and on the other she is encouraging you to eat fattening foods. I get the feeling she is in denial about her own weight issues too.

I love your honesty Brenda. Sometimes, as hard as it may feel at the time, we all need someone to 'tell it llike it is'.

Even though I have struggled to keep control of weight that was waxing slowly and not waning one iota, I thought I was doing everything right. Even though a food diary showed no major issues, I really examined this recently. For sure output (my main issue - I like exercise/sport but prioritise too many other things above it) was below my intake. So I have made small changes on the intake (smaller portions - making the indulgences less frequent and lower fat/sugar etc) and bigger ones on the output and things seem to be moving.

Carol

Jane - yes I have this too.
Except I don't get flapjacks - loads of other cakes though.
And I had always been slim up to a couple of years ago (I used to run a lot).
Now I get loud comments at the airport and other public places (audible to anyone passing) about how slim she and my father are and how fat my brother and I are.

And yes, they also wonder why we don't meet more often!


Herbie

Sue - It may well be worth getting a thyroid test - I was sure something was 'not right' but couldn't put my finger on it, and my weight steadily increased by a stone a year. The GP wanted me on anti depressants cos I wasn't coping and I was SO tired all the time. Also I couldn't lose weight no matter how hard I tried. After a blood test they found I had an underactive thyroid and put me on thyroxine and am now feeling tons better with more energy and if I stick to eating fresh foods, lots of veg, carbs with each meal like brown rice, wholemeal pasta and pots and small amounts of protein, and get regular exercise, I can lose weight.
Good luck and I hope the scales give you good news soon
Sue

Thanks Sue. Actually I had one today! I was told to phone for the results in a week. Both my mum and sister are on thyroxine so definitely it was something I had to get checked out.

Cripes! Been away a few days and look at the replies!

No thats a lie, I've been hiding - I weight myself every day and I have been good but my weight has been sticking and one day even went up by a pound, I was soooo persisted offf that I rolled into a ball and sat on the couch watching TV.

Yesterday I was too busy for lunch so only had my evening meal and lo Ive unstuck so feeling chirpy here I am again - I know it was really bad of me, there was no intention to skip lunch I just could not get out of what I was doing.

I really really hear you Sue T, Jane RM, and Carol and Debbie R. Each of you has touched on something that I have experienced. I won't tell you the myriad of names my other half 'fondly' calls me because I have heard so much worse in the name of motivation.

And doing everthing pretty right and sticking - well like I said I just hid (fortunately not glugging red wine but eating chocolate mascapone with cream - but I'm high protein so its allowed).

Sue T if you are high protein, once you are cleared by your GP, then why are you counting calories? Sounds like you are mixing 2 different eating regimens and so coming unstuck.

And the comment about your mum equating food with love. My mum still does it. She can barely see my daughter without telling me she looks hungry. Does the same with my hubby too.

I had to laugh - I love these pages for that - 1200 calories, when I was a lass and should not have been dieting but did 1200 cals was lots! EVERYBODY was on a 1000cals per day diet - anyone remember that from the late 70's through 80's? Remember Jackie Magazine and all the other teen mags and womens mags? all as far as I can remember 1000Cals.

And NO I am NOT laughing at anyone, don't we all get a bit too anal, grim and depressed when we think about weight loss? We forget to live - just like I did the past few days, get depressed about our weight and fall into all the things that got us where we are today?

The other point of my original post is what I did at the beginning of this reply! I've stopped lying to myself. I want others to do the same, both for themselves and to others.

If someone says something so completely asinine in here call them on it. Like the guy who when I was too shy to comment in here seemed to give good advice but then turned round and said he was eating chips! and people were being so sympathetic to him. That's rubbish and plain wrong we all know it and so does he. Tell him so. Why come for help and support to a place where people collude our lying to ourselves so helping to keep us in a bad place?

Oh well in the spirit of being positive, I'm off to look up holidays in Tonga or Samoa or anywhere else that an adolescent girl will go to the doctor to help her get fatter to attract the boys so my bulk will be considered skinny and so I can big it up in a bikini.

Oh and don't forget to measure yourself. You might stick but still be getting slimmer. Even though I stuck noticed that one pair of trousers seemed to be growing - no they werent getting longer, they were falling off me - I can now slide in and out of them without unfastening them. Got any nice belts anyone?

Brenda, my gym tracksuit bottoms appear to be getting loser. I nearly had an unfortunate accident today and showed the poor person exercising behind me my builder's bottom! If that wouldn't put him off his exercise routine, nothing would. So, yes, I may be losing inches.

I am off the high protein diet. There are only so many sausages and eggs a girl can eat. I am still being careful though and I shall be most interested in the results of my blood test next week.

Remember Jackie magazine? That brings back memories of David Cassidy (who was impossibly and unhealthily thin) and, yes, the 1000 a day diets. I really should have grown up by now. Maybe I am regressing. Sadly, I saw a piccy of David Cassidy recently and thought he still looked quite sexy. Someone, please shoot me and put me out of my misery.

I read all your comments here with interest, but I'll just answer a few or this will be too long.

Brenda: quite right! Mind, I'd love to lose the weight in two months! But I don't expect it. Best to avoid reading too many posts on other forums that go down the obsessive route. My problem isn't with food per se as I prefer healthy stuff to convenience food products. My challenge is I put four stone on in two years due to some medication I was taking; the medication has stopped, the weight hasn't dropped. I have ME (recovering), so exercise can be a problem.

Su, well done - so many of the diet places / gurus don't mention the psychological aspects of bad (and good) eating.

Catherine, maybe just refuse to buy those mags ... or write to them complaining and get others to follow suit.

Clare, I read that craving something sweet just after a meal can be an indication of yeast overgrowth (such as Candida), so that might be worth following up?

In the end we can choose to lose weight, we can choose to be realistic about the rate of loss, we can choose to research and choose to find out what it is we're doing to self-sabotage. And we can choose to enjoy our lives at the weight we are whilst still keeping in mind our goals.

Good luck all of you

What a fantastic outlook.

It just reinforces my current rationale that it IS my choice. I can choose to eat more healthily, or snack on rubbish. Whatever, it's me that's doing it: if I haven't consciously made the choice in the past, for whatever reason, then I can still do so now.

Hello all, I've done it again, hibernate because I've stuck.

Yippee Sue T, we forget the inches and toning up makes all the difference ( I know that by looking at people not personal experience!) Im glad you are shrinking. By the way I hope your results have come back okay.

Jacqui, you are so right, it is all about choices, and some choices are pretty darned hard - but we all know that its the tough stuff that makes us really appreciate our achievements and lays down the most solid foundations.

We have to stop saying it and start living it a bit at a time. I dug out my P McK and listened to it this morning - it was a freebie from a newspaper or some such. I think this is the first time I listened and didnt just fall asleep. I couldnt believe what he was saying about getting intouch with feelings of sucess and positive experiences and reinforceing them. Nothing we don't know but people pay for it! How many times do we reinforce the bad with thought actions and words? We emotional eaters and over eaters have that down to a T.

Remember dancing round your bedroom with your mates, or guys working out new dance routines before you hit the clubs dressed to kill and ready to impress? All the fun, thrill of anticipation, knowing you were great? Last night i was dancing round madly to a few golden oldies from my clubbing days, I was knackered, felt great remembering the feelings of those carefree days of being a typical hedonsistic young adult? being fit (an knowing it in every sense of the word) - especially because I could see glimpses of a slightly thinner self that others had commented on and I was elated. Exercise and fun. We forget that you don't have to do some kind of 'workout' to exercise. Go dig the garden, chase the kids, wash the windows, do your Kylie impression, whatever rocks your boat, but MOVE and HAVE FUN.

Today I've been eating choccie biccies and drinking gold top milk and you know what it was totally emotional and childish - i might as well be bad cos Im still stuck. But guess what, I rememberd I have a choice, I remembered how I felt last night and I have stopped. I'm having a V&T because I really want it. Its like Jacqui says, I've made a conscious choice. Okay so I've blown the healthy eating FOR THEN, but not for the day or the week end or forever, it was just then, so Ive stopped. Im chosing my poison and I am enjoying it. I dont want any more biccies. I don't want any more Gold Top milk. Im enjoying my V&T. I may have another one, but Im not sure.

Best of all I feel okay. Not beating myself up. In control feeling happy and I'm going to dance again.

I just realised, I broke the screen on my work mobile cos it was in my back pocket and I sat on it. Its been in my back pocket loads never broke. And the difference is - my pants are sliding down so landed under my derriere and I sat on it!

Well there haven't been any posts to this topic for 4 days and its a bit of a trickle so I may be talking to myself. Shall I lock it? your replies will tell me if this thread is useful or not.

Good Luck all find something to make you smile it makes it easier.
Brenda -
PS Boo Hoo England fans, 19-26!!!

Noooooooo, don't lock the thread! BTW, I had no idea that could be done.

My blood results all came back okay, thanks for asking. So my weight sticking is nothing to do with a dodgy thyroid. I am now going back to the being abducted by alien theory (where I am zapped up into an alien craft and drip fed liquid chocolate). Seriously, it is still a mystery why I am not losing or not much. I haven't been to the gym today but have been four days in a row. No wine tonight so far but my resolve is weakening. Yes, my body could be in starvation mode but I am not hungry and I don't feel weak.

You still sound positive, Brenda and, more importantly, happy and upbeat. Maybe you just needed time out from dieting. I say forget the diet and dance some more! Is it really so terrible to fall off the bandwagon? You can climb back on again when you are ready.