Cheer up Shaun! What is happening to you has or is, happening to many of us. I know that I have felt as you, but it has passed and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You may not think you are getting anywhere, but you ARE! A 2 lbs gain is normal Shaun - you may lose another pound this week. It would be great if it was all a steady downwards path until we reach goal weight, but, as you can read from the postings, this is far from the truth. We all struggle and you are struggling more than most at the moment, but you will get there, honestly! Thinking of you and wishing you a good week - all the best.

Absolutely do not, on any account, give up! 2lbs is nothing! A mere fluctuation (I put on 2lbs this weekend with just one take away curry - oh and an apple meringue pudding)

I think a lot of us have suffered from depression over the years - I know I have It's the changes in your eating habits and a healthier lifestyle that are important. I thought I'd have lost 4 stone by now, when I first signed up to the THC, but I haven't - have only lost 9lbs, despite training for a marathon walk, making huge changes to both exercise and eating habits and sometimes it really gets me down!
The dark nights don't help either - I need sunshine! I think the November blues are very real.

Thanks for a great read Shaun, and don't give up!

Just to quote you from 19th October, Shaun!

Your weight can change a few lbs through the day so to be really exact you should be weighing yourself at the same time of the day. You might find that you can measure progress with the looseness of your clothes even if your weight does n't seem to be going down as much as you would like.

Good on you Shaun for persevering withth excercise even when you are feeling a little down about it all. That shows determination in itself and worthy of praise!
You will get to your goal but it will not happen overnight which is sometimes frustrating and disheartening (especially to someone like me who wants things yesterday!) Anyway, while we are on sayings "what goes up must come down" - or so THEY say!

Thanks to everyone for the nice words - although Sue gets a special for throwing my own quote back at me! Even though she (and the earlier me) is of course right...

I know things will get better again
I know I've had a great start
I know that it's just a phase on the journey
I know all these things... just don't feel them at the moment
But I also know you guys have all been there before. Thanks

Just be thankful your not married to her - it's a gift we women have, remembering everything a man says and then throwing it back at him at an opportune moment months (years?) later!

Shaun Shaun Shaun.


Please don't give up I know what your feeling but only you yourself can have the answers. As Teresa says concentrate on your health as much as weight.

I have had depression and a break down some years ago but have come through this a much stronger person through strength of mind and exercise.

It took me three years to lose four stone, then one year staying the same then this year to loose just a tiny bit more. But I won't give up. I tell myself just take your time and don't be to hard on yourself. (I am a very happy person)

Maybe you need to participate in something shared. maybe a cycling club or Running club where support is given.

We are all behind you.

Carol

An epic journey, Carol - well done! I had a breakdown too following a very messy affair, and went from 8 1/2 stone to nearly 14 in a couple of years. Guess it's going to take a bit longer to shift.
Being kind to yourself is so important on this journey, as well as reflecting on the positive points.

Teehee - my sister-in-law just reminded my brother tonight about the time he hit her on the head because he thought she was the alarm clock going off - I think it happened about 10 years ago!

Shaun, it's easy for us to say don't feel depressed, because you can't help it. However, in the days before THC, I'd just have gone off and pigged out for Scotland. Now I remind myself that it's a normal part of the journey, and it does get better.

Having said that, I agree with you - where are those endorphins? After a strenuous walk I just want to lie down and have a rest! I can't imagine ever enjoying exercise, but I just try and be disciplined with my food intake as I know that's my main chance of losing this weight!

Shaun, your pieces are keeping me going, so don't give up. I guess if it was easy lots of us would've done it before... It'd be unrealistic to get thin without hiccups.

You are facing the same dismal tussles as the rest of us, but have the skills to dredge up humour about it and write in such a droll way. That makes the journey bearable for the rest of us, but at the same time it leaves you feeling quite pressured, (a) to be perpetually cheery, so it's good that you are more honest than that, and (b) to be constantly successful, which is unfair - successful in the general balance of things is quite good enough.

It took a load of courage to write in so much detail, I bet. Your reward comes in your steady reduction. Your help along the way is that many of the people you've helped by writing so honestly and warmly and unstuffily will be keen to support and chivvy you.

I heard it said that fatness is unhappiness worn on the outside. It is uncomfortably true for me. I'm glad you felt able to voice your fears of depression. A lot of what you say, you could say for many.

By the way, by calling yourself the FB, you are perpetuating a negative and judgmental view of yourself. Just make sure you evolve into the EFBD.

Maybe I should challenge myself to write a LLD?

Seriously, all the best for better feelings soon. Saira

Thanks everyone for the encouragement - especially Saira - that was beautifully written.

Some people have asked me if the FBD is true. Of course it is. You couldn't make some of this stuff up. And if I'm writing the truth, I've got to go with the good AND the bad bits. Yes, I'm trying to be entertaining here, but it's much more than that - it's the power of writing it down. If I say I'm going to do something in here, then I'll have to go through with it, or else I'd have to write about my failure later. That's a strong motivator.

And Fiona, you're so right about memories - my partner hasn't ever ever let me forget the time that I drove a golf ball that hit her full on the head. Being a proper Barnsley girl she didn't cry, didn't even collapse. She just headed the ball back onto the fairway. Now there's commitment...

Hi Shaun
Keep on trucking...! I do so agree with you that if you write it down you have to do it. This group are so amazing for their support through good and bad times. Your writing is very inspirational to me so keep on writing.

Carol - you really struck a chord with me.
On the breakdown front I had one when I was 19 being a twin failing at school being compared etc and was on medication for about 6 months counselling etc. So I was determined never to go back into that black hole of sitting around doing nothing. I had another short episode after my first son was born brought on by post natal depression giving up work, living away from the family etc but battled through it and have been ok since. People say to me oh your so positive but that is on the outside inside I have to battle.

Hi Shaun, Stay with us--- I decided to encourage myself with a little bit of psychological cheating. I am aiming for a 1lb weekly loss but if I lose extra, I still mark it in the chart as only 1lb. That way I hope not to notice an upward blip should it occur(as it undoubtedly will),because I have a few bonus pounds in the kitty. Does this make sense to you? It has worked for the past 3 weeks so I will carry on with it.

PS Hope I don't get drummed out of the Brownies for this !

Excellent. Thanks Maisie, I'm not going anywhere, was just feeling down when I wrote this week's piece - even moreso than usual. As Sue said earlier, 2lb is nothing. I'll get there, and in the meantime travelling with you guys is great. Thanks for being here.

Hey, I've just noticed that this is by far the most viewed forum topic in the last 60 days!

I'm not surprised! As so many have said already, reading your comments is great, because you're able to describe your path with humour and honesty and I bet 99% can relate to your experiences.

Hope things are looking up again for you!

I've had the nightmare moment of stepping onto the scales with 2lbs up this morning myself. Since I did overindulge a bit, though, it didn't come as a complete surprise. I think the worst time is when you've worked really, really hard and the weight goes up... feels like there is some sick humoured God out there, cowardly serving you his blow through the scales.

BUT and I am saying this from first hand experience (no quoting 'them') if you look at a longer term (minimum 3 month) and you stick at it, there WILL be the rewards. And yes, don't just go by weight, but by trouser fit, too! I've got an old pair still (used to be my favourite 7 years ago). I can now get them over my bum again, so when I'll be able to close them I know I got to my aim, but I'm not expecting this to happen for another 6 month at least.... I try to think long-term, when it gets hard, don't give up, but just concentrate on getting through the patch (by the second or third 'attack' you'll already be prepared), knowing that if you do, you will get there in the end!

Oh and just noticed, too, you've just been going for a bit over a month (at least on here). Just look at what you've achieved already, both in terms of weight loss and fitness. Now I'd say you've done bloody great!!! Keep it up and chin up!

... you have a massive but silent readership

... and then there are all the chatty ones!

... probably just a "heavy moment" - try again tomorrow and I bet it's different!

Who are you calling massive!

You were absolutely right Fiona, It's miraculously disappeared again, not just the kilo 'I put on' but another pound with it... but I did run around like crazy yesterday, maybe there's a good side to funny scales.

Which is why this is such a good site - cos no they aren't always right but sometimes, just sometimes they are!
Brilliant honest piece of writing encompassing what most of us have gone through at some point or other. Weight gain is frustratingly normal when you are trying so hard to lose it. We just have to accept it and move on knowing that things will improve. Keep thinking of the healthy benefits of weight loss and know deep down you do not want to remain a 'fat bloke'
On a personal note I'm still waiting, after 3 years working out at a gym, for that adrenalin rush people keep assuring me I get - I think I know myself by now and no still have not experienced it!
Keep at it Shaun it will all make sense one day - honest.

Thanks Frances, I'm just glad I'm not alone.

Shaun, I really feel for you. It's tough when things don't go as you want them to, but you will win the longer war, even if you lose the odd battle on the way. "They" always have a habit of winding me up to, what do "they" know about what you are going through? Each of us is on a journey, and we're all going to have our own challenges. But one thing I try and hang on to is that unless I know the darkside, I won't know when I'm in the light. Like others here, I had a breakdown a few years ago, and I do believe it's made me a stronger person, a better person in many respects. You will have brighter days. Keep on blogging, and never give up on yourself - you are worth far more than that.

Shaun, I'm just catching up having been computerless for three weeks. So sorry to hear that the black dog got you! What I try to do now when I feel the darkness closing in is to fight it on all three levels (body, mind and spirit). Exercise, preferably in daylight and taking a multivitamin/mineral supplement for insurance on the physical side, writing or visualising on the mind front and prayer/meditation on the spirit front - even so sometimes it gets the upper hand but: "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it". Hope the darkness lifts soon for you and be kind to yourself in the meantime.

Thanks for that Jean, It's appreciated. In fact, thanks in no small part to the support of this group I feel quite a bit more in control at the moment. Like many people's depression, mine comes and goes. Most times I'm on top, sometimes it wins for a little while. Some times it wins for a large while, but there you go.

But you'll be pleased to know that this week's FBD is back to it's normal self.