What is really irritating about the public in general regarding weight are the comments made by overweight/larger people (mainly women) who feel its ok to make disparaging remarks regarding slimmer people or those trying to lose weight, but it is totally taboo to the point of being extremely rude and hurtful if slimmer people to make remarks about fat people. If you're trying to lose weight the best advice that I have ever been given is not to tell anyone except a few trusted close friends who can encourage rather than criticise. If its all about feeling good about yourself then why boast to anyone who will listen about how much weight you've lost or moan about a few gained pounds. All that does is feed other people's paranoia about themselves.

I have only had encouragement and support from friends so far but we are all in much the same boat. TBH, they wouldn't be the sort of people I am friends with if they were rude about my efforts to shape up. But I know exactly what you mean re people making disparaging remarks. If certain larger people are happy with their weight and lifestyle and generally healthy, I say good luck to them. But that is their choice. I am not always convinced though that they are as happy as they say they are about their own weight.

Hi everyone only just joined I'm 4ft. 7 inches 1.40m I have osteoarthritus right through my spine and joints and sick to death of the only help seems to be upping my painkillers they had me on morphine/ beta blockers/ anti depressssion drugs the list goes on I have halfed my meds. they were not killing the pain anyway the medication was making me more ill than the disease. I don't eat ( yes I know you've heard it before they took me in hospital to control my weight and test on a hospital strict diet I put on 8lbs
they now tell me the steroid injections they give me are the cause so I have refused them but the weight is still not moving I'm now living on vitamins + Glucosamine/siberian ginsing/ multi vitamins/acidophilus/omega 3/Evening primrose/ I feel a lot better than when on pain relief. Ikeep writing to these tv help programms for help.
When I tell me friends I'm over 5 st overweight they don't believe me they say I don't look obese not sure but I think I'm slipping into morbidly obese

Hi Julie. Sorry to hear about your health problems.

I just had a blood test to rule out thryoid problems. Maybe worth you doing the same.

One exercise that may be easy on your joints is swimming. Do you do any exercise?

i am just within the "acceptable" bmi and would like to lose a few extra lbs, i know a few people who are in the "obese" range, one of which is clinically obese, they tend to look at me in disgust when they realize I've lost a bit of weight and have been going to the gym, usually saying something like "well its alright for you, your skinny and its easier for you to lose weight"!!! (note, i don't go on about being on a diet or anything, it usually crops up in conversation because they are moaning about being too big)
i did try and include them in my exercise and got them to go to a fitball class with me (which is very low impact and ideal for people who are larger or are very unfit) all they did was moan that it was too much hard work and haven't been since.

what annoys me most about these remarks is that, yes i am 5ft 2in and now 9st 5lb BUT i have tipped the scales at over 14st (i did not weigh myself at my biggest) so i do know what it is like to be too big and all i am doing is being proactive at preventing myself from gaining that much weight ever again!

even when i reach my goal weight i will still exercise, i love the muscle tone i can see appearing and frankly being fit gives me a buzz that far outweighs any negative remarks i get! and as for my larger friends, i figure when they are ready to tackle their weight they will and i hope that i will be proof to them that it can be done without making yourself miserable!

hey there julie, just read your post and i must say that sounds painful and depressing, interesting that the vitamins etc seem to be helping more than the painkillers,
i must say that i know from experience that steroids can cause vast weight gain and in my opinion its the hardest weight to lose, that said last year i still had 1 1/2 stone of steroid weight to shift and decided that for the first time in my life i was going to keep a food diary and calorie count, its worked a treat, i have to be in the right frame of mind for it to work and do give myself one day off a week, think the trick is not to punish yourself, even if the weight is not shifting yet concentrate on the fact that its stable then go in and tackle it head on!

(i used to joke that my body knows i'm trying to lose weight, its being obstinate and holding on to the lbs so ill just surprise it and go on a low calorie diet for a day or to then back to normal eating before it knows whats going on... strangely this did work to kick start the loss of lbs, how i don't know!!!)

Hi Donella,

I am in pretty much the same situation as you, but am only a bit off my heaviest at the moment, I am currently at about 9st 7lb and just under 5ft 2in.

Just out of interest as you are almost the same height/weight as me - what is your target weight?

I am not too concerned with how much I weigh, just want to tone up more and be more healthy, finding it difficult though!

I to am in this 'camp'.

At 50 years, and 5'4" I hit 67Kg at theend of the year. Unfortunately, to some extent, I carry it well, distributing extra lbs all over and unless wearing somethihg too tight would not look particularly over weight.

I am for certain a bit of a control freak. I am analytical by nature so if something happens I want to try and figure out why, and change what I can. So I have never been very overweight.

It seems that our society does not like people who can exercise any self control, will power or respect for themselves. I love food, would call myself a foodie (except I don't like the word, so gourmet perhaps, and frequent food sites. I have lost count of the number of times the phrase 'never trust a skinny chef' comes up. Or people scoff because you enjoy a drink or two but don't get legeless three times a week. That makes you boring. I remind them that it makes you sensible and able to drive yourself home safely too!! I find it stange. It happens in many aeas of modern life.

But I DO think that a huge number of people use attack as a form of defence, so have a lot of sympathy for overweight people who think losing 1/2 - 1 stone is easy and are derogatory to those 'stopping the rot' before it gets out of hand.

It's actually quite hard if you are generally good living to find the leeway required to enjoy life and keep a grip on sensible weight/health.

My motivation is largely fitness as there a re a number of not good genetic indiocators for health and I intend to stay as fit ans healthy as I can for as long a I can.

I am also vain (with no good reason) and have a wardrobe full of nice clothes I have no intention of throwing out because I can't control what I out in my mouth, or sit on my derriere too much. That' a big part of my motivation.

So, in all, anyone taking control of ANY difficult issues in their lives, at whatever stage - Power to them.

Carol - I can understand all of what you are saying, and agree with so much!

I think my downfall is that I am not good with food - by that I mean that I can not cook, wouldn't know where to start - but appreciate good food and can eat for England!

Can't cook, won't cook? I'm both!

I do not drink on a regulare basis, have one or two (too many) on special occasions and feel ill for a week - binge drinking is the worst I know, but it is literally only a handful of times a year.

Everyone tells me I look fine, and as you say - wearing the right clothes and wearing it with confidence plays a large part. I have huge belief in that anyone can look good, no matter what size.

But I know, that if I wear tighter fitting clothes, or seeing myself uncovered - I am not happy - and need to do something about it. I have been complacent with myself for too long!

Hi EJM

(Do you have a first name to post to?)

I wouldn't beat yourself up over an occasional special occasion binge. Not the end of the world.

I suspect the inabilty or unwillingness to cook is a downfall for a lot of people.

As I am in the process of trying to turn my love of food into something that I can earn (rather than just spend) money with, could I ask a few personal (ish) but pertinent questions. Feel free to decline.

What is your age range?
Do you live alone or with housemates or partner, kids or not?
What sort of life style do you have. Busy work, lots of social engagements, exercise habits..
What sort of foods do you eat ( take aways, ready meals, snacks on the run
Do you have any 'home produced meals - breakfast, lunches etc?
Would you like to be able to cook basics. If you wouod, you can. You just need a few basic bits of info and confidence to 'give it a go'.

I have always found, and highly recommend anyone with health or weight issues to keep a meticulous food diary which after a week or so (and you need to record amounts, times, part of meal or snack, how much water, other drinks and alcohol, how many fruit/veg portions etc) including why you ate what you ate when you ate it, and how you felt before, during and after....

If more direct support is something you would like I would be happy to be motivator chum.

Carol

Hi Carol, sorry, my name is Elesha, just registered under my initials (not sure why??!)

I am 28 and live with my partner, who is 24, and also would like to lose some weight. He carries a couple of stone too many, but finds it difficult to lose weight, and loves his alcohol and take aways!

We don't have any children at the moment - no time found for that yet!

We live quite a busy life, my other half works quite alot of nights and weekends, so we do not really have a regular routine (something that annoys me!).
We rarely spend time at home, just when we can. We visit relatives quite often, at least 3 nights a week - have meals cooked for us most of the time - which is fab but harder to control ourselves.

When at home, we tend to eat take aways, and as we are always out and about - snacks on the go begrudgingly play a big part in our diets.

I try to go out running a couple of times a week at least, and play about with exercise dvds and small weight training/exercises at home - when i can. My partner plays tennis once a week, cricket once or twice a week and golf occasionally.

I would love to be able to cook - just don't know where to start really. All I can do is oven meals - which is mainly what we eat at home.
I very rarely eat breakfast, in the week it is mostly breakfast bar type snacks, but sometimes eat toast or beans on toast at weekends.
I try to do sandwiches for my lunch at work - or if not, I usually have soup.
Then a snack or two in the day - i try to have low calorie choc bars if i HAVE to have chocolate ;)

I tend to love breads, rice, pasta - and can pick at anything from crisps to biscuits!

I need guidance Any help would be appreciated, thanks!

Hi Elesha
What a lovely name. (Sorry about delay, I am trying to work rather than loiter too much - TRYING being the operative work).

I will answer more fully (may look for a specific thread) later if that's ok, but to start, if you could cook a jacket potato (microwave is fine) , pull some salad out of a pack, mix some tinned tuna and bits, that would be one wholesome home cooked meal a week.

I am also going to give you a couple of great soup recipes that making for yourself could be a couple of workday lunches each, plus a weekend lunch or even an evening meal (easy to microwave a bowl from big pot or small portions chilled or frozen) which added to some bread (watch the butter) and maybe a bit of cheese, or ham can make an evening meal.

I would suggest:
minestrone type thing, leek and potato, and cullen skink (smoked haddock and potato) all of which can be made dead easy, in quantity once a week and are filling and tasty. Would you like me to prepare recipes/idiot proof instructions for all or any?

btw, Not saying you are an idiot, but many people WANT rather than need real step by step basics.

If you can make soup you can cook.

I am teaching a self written course to 18 teenagers and hope to take both a basic and more advanced cookery course out into the public domain and most are aimed at people who know little about food and what to do with it.

Carol

Hi Carol,

Sounds fab! Any info would be great, and I will promise to give it a try.

I too am at work, so may not be able to have a look until tomorrow but will definitely catch up within next day or so,

Thanks very much for your help, it's much appreciated

Now then you two, have you finished talking about food! I'm getting to feel hungry!!!:eek:

Thanks Jo, sorry for delay in replying, can't get near the computer at the weekends, 2 teenagers take over!
We're so fed up with it we're actually buying another one. Can't believe I've agreed to this, should be encouraging more movement not more screen time. So hard when all homework seems to involve a computer.

Still, my 11 year old went out for a jog yesterday so maybe the exercise message is getting through.

Completely lost the will this weekend, had loads of wine and crisps!! Need to get back on track big time.

Maybe it would be easier not to tell these people what you're doing, especially as some will have their own issues (eg, guilt for not doing anything about themselves, or fear that you will go too far and damage your health) and will project them onto you and not see they're doing that.

Or use phrases such as:

1) Do you want me to feel uncomfortable? (they will say 'no') Well, I've eaten enough, feel just right, and to eat any more would spoil it.

2) What, exactly, do you think it is I have nothing to complain about?

3) What, exactly, are you worried about?

4) I may look small but I wish to change my muscle:fat ratio as I believe it will make me more healthy. Do you have a problem with that?

5) Listen, I will feel happier when I am a few pounds lighter. Actually, I'm finding it a wee bit difficult ... do you have any suggestions / ways you could help me?

6) I feel sad (or whatever) when you say that. Do you think you might support me?

If in doubt, say nothing, and just get on with it. It's your body and your business.

By the way, remember muscle is denser than fat, so look at your shape, etc, rather than just your weight.

All the best

Jacqui

I too am in the position of being small and still wanting to lose weight. I'm 5 ft 2 and a light frame (I have skinny wrists/ankles), and currently at 8 st 3. Really want to lose "those last few pounds" and get down to 7 st 11 (which would be a BMI of 20, so not unhealthily thin) but of course family, boyfriend etc worry I'm becoming obsessive.

Heck, sometimes *I* worry I'm becoming obsessive But after being overweight for most of my life, it's hard to get my head round the idea that I can "stop" dieting. And those extra few pounds have lodged on my stomach, and situps/crunches don't seem to be shifting them!

Good luck to everyone else in the same boat -- do what's right for you, not what the world wants!

Ali

Hi Ali,

You are the same height as me, and over a stone lighter - how do you do it??! I struggle to lose a couple of pounds..

Although i wouldn't want to lose a stone personally, i would like to be back in the 8's which is when i felt comfortable, its all down to personal opinion.

As long as you remember to eat healthily, and get your vitamins etc, then you will be fine. Its just a matter if maintaining it then (when the diet "stops" as you said) - thats the difficult bit!!

hi Elesha,

I've put my target weight as 8st 10lb (or 11, cant remember!!!)
but like you I'm not so concerned with the weight (good job as i just fell off the wagon and put those couple of lbs back on!!!)

i am planing on upping the exercise next week so will be muscle building and fat burning rather than dieting, i don't like to calorie count if I'm doing a lot of strenuous exercise.
then i will drop some of the exercise and go back to calorie counting for a bit, have lost most of my weight this way mainly as I'm trying to trim up my legs without loosing any on the bust area, it is proving tricky and slow going (if i find my bra a bit loose then I'm allowed chocolate but have to get on the cross trainer and work hard!!)
i figure even if it proves impractical to loose more weight i can at least tone up and get fit, i don't see myself as fat, i just have chubby legs and knees (it never shifted from the age of three!!) and i would like to be able to wear a little skirt sometimes and feel confident

oh, and i just read what you normally eat, and i think you'll find if you drop the takeouts and ready meals you be loads slimmer in no time!!
and don't worry about not being able to cook, its all about confidence, start simple, sounds like carol has some good advice.
happy cooking!!

Hi Elesha,

It took AGES to lose the last stone -- I was about 9 stone 3 for a couple of years whilst at uni (well, fluctuated between 9 st 1 and 9 st 5, depending how "good" I was being) -- then lost a bit more in 3rd year and after uni.

Coincidentally (or not!) this was at the same time as I took up going to the gym 3 times/week ... so that's definitely helped. I'm also much more toned, and wore a sleeveless dress for the first time in my life last weekend.

I also try to eat healthily in the week (3 proper meals, as little choc as possible etc) and then relax at weekends -- that seems to stop me going too crazy.

If you're interested, I run a website -- www.theofficediet.com -- with articles, tips, recipes, ideas to motivate yourself, and so on.

Good luck with your weight loss! All I can really say is be patient, you'll get there in the end.

Best,

Ali

Donella - you are aiming for the same weight as me and as you are the same height then thats good to hear - as i know i am being reasonable!

I was talking to my other half last night, about how i wanted to make changes, he said he thinks i am fine etc, but understands if i want to trim down and tone up a bit. I told him the hardest part was getting support of people, as they all think i am 'fine' and sometimes i start to think that i am being unrealistic, so knowing you have the same aim is good.

The take outs are going to stop, or at least cut down drastically, and chocolate is being cut down as from today, i have got my good head on now

Hi all, everyone seems to be doing really well! I feel a bit in a rut a the moment - I'm going to the gym 3 times a week (45 mins cardio followed by toning / weight exercises) and eating what I think is heathily - yogurt and fruit for breakfast, salad with a couple of oatcakes or a sandwich and crudites (under 350 calories) for lunch and my evening meal is around 400 calories. I have plenty of fruit to fill up on during the day and drink my 2l of water. I aim to have a 30min walk at lunchtimes (depends on weather!) but I've only lost about 3lbs this month. I am a short person and not hugely overweight (about 1st), has anyone got any advice? I can't really up my exercise (time!) and I can't see how I could eat any less without starving!
many thanks,
Pixie

Pixie, you sound like me especially the bit about not being able to eat any less without starving. My start weight was 9 stone 1 and it actually crept up a bit during the past few weeks despite me being good. I am now 9 stone. At 5 feet tall, it is more than I would like but at least now I am seeing some progress, although painfully slow progress. I had a blood test to rule out thyroid problems and that came back clear.

It was suggested to me that my body was in starvation mode and hanging onto the calories. I have been in starvation before with stupid diets and, believe me, really was starving! I haven't felt hungry during this diet at all and my energy levels have increased. Today in the gym I managed 55 minutes cardio followed by a 45 minute swim.

My jeans feel a bit loser so I think I am losing inches rather than weight. Could that be happening to you too, Pixie?

All I can suggest is to be patient and try and stay motivated.

Hi Sue,
Thanks for replying I'm trying not to drastically cut calories and stick to the 1300 a day it recommends I should be doing - I like food and so far I haven't felt starving. I'm just frustrated that I'm trying to do it right and be sensible, but the weight doesn't seem to be coming off as they said it would! I am toning up and like you my energy levels have increased so something is happening. I'm 4'11'' and now just under 9st, I want to get back to the just over 8st I was before I moved in with my hubby! I'm trying to stay motivated, I'll be patient like you suggest and see how the next couple of weeks go. Thanks again,
Pixie

Sue / Pixie - I am too finding it hard to achieve a nice balance for exercise and calorie intake.

So the way I have approached it is by eating healthier than I was, and eating at more regular times instead of just snacking throughout the day. I have cut out chocolate/cripss in between meals and am so far feeling alot better and happier for doing so.

Just going to take it easy and be patient, and hopefully it will work

I'm just frustrated that I'm trying to do it right and be sensible, but the weight doesn't seem to be coming off as they said it would!

Pixie, are you me????? EJM too. I am so glad I found this forum and can discuss it with like minded individuals.

I have a very flattering piccy of myself taken a few years back when I was 8 stone 4. BTW, I lost the weight due to stress when my dad got seriously ill (he has since recovered). Realistically, I think it is unlikely I will get down to 8 stone 4 again (or not unless I starve myself and exercise 24/7). It is also about quality of life and feeling healthy and happy and not denying myself everything that I enjoy. The plus point that I am trying to focus on is that I do feel very healthy. Disappointing that the weight is coming off so slowly but at least it is going in the right direction now finally.

Let's not try to get despondent, ladies and let's accept it won't happen overnight!

I am happy to go with the flow for the time being - and am concentrating on assessing where I am at the moment, and eating regularly so I can set myself proper targets.

Its good to read others' stories too

Hey all, I suppose I'm feeling frustrated more than anything, as I don't see what else I can do (as Sue said) apart from exercising insanely and following some mad diet that won't do me any good in the long run. I know reaching my 'ideal' weight won't make me a perfect person, but as a lot of people have said on this board it's just about feeling better about myself.
The last time I went on a proper diet was when I did the detox diet (Carol Vorderman's) and I lost the weight I was aiming to and kept it off (until moved in with hubby!) it's not practical to do that now (unfair on hubby!)
I'm so glad other people feel the same way, makes me feel I'm not the only one
oh well, off to the gym tonight so I'll keep slogging on!
Px