I am trying to lose a little weight, and tone up and exercise more so I have a healthier lifestyle - what annoys me is when larger people always say "You have nothing to complain about".

I think no matter how large or small you are - if you are not happy with yourself then that's that.

Some people (family members too!) make me feel almost guilty that I want to lose a little weight and tone up!!!

It's not helping me much

I got a lot of that when I was slim and wanted to be just a bit slimmer. I used to just tell them that it was more about how I feel then how I look. Now that I am larger (sedentary job, childbirth etc.) I can feel the difference and even though I would look better slimmer, it really does become more about how you feel. Funny they don't say anything now when they should really be saying I should get more exercise!

its like when i had braces on my teeth (at the age of 26)

before i had them, i was very paranoid about my teeth - people would say, "there's nothing wrong with them, they're fine"

after i had my brace off "they really do look so much better now!"

Hi,
I am 52 years, only 5ft 2 inches and slim. I did go to weight watchers years ago which was brilliant. I got rid of my chubby self and with the help of a demanding job and self discipline I have kept my weight fairly stable.

Every now and again I do put on a few pounds and then feel lousy.
My problem is balancing intake and output and keeping the blood sugar levels stable, but if I up the exercise I run into fatigue problems.
I do regular exercise, 4 times a week most weeks.
Has anyone any ideas?

Well, my sister does this all the time. She seems to think she is disgustingly fat when she clearly isn't. Mind you, I don't think she would ever be happy with how she looks. Makes me mad since I am twice the size of her, yet she always tell me I don't look fat. I suppose we just see ourselves very differently to how others do. And until we are happy with ourselves we will always put an extra phantom stone or two on our bodies.

I so agree that it is all about how we perceive ourselves - and that it often isn't how others see us! I've felt fed up when I can't shift a few pounds, but then guilty because it must seem trivial to people who have more to lose.

Su/Jo - you're right, it is all about perception, sometimes I feel good and other days I feel awful. so i suppose it depends on moods aswell!

I think no matter how large or small you are - if you are not happy with yourself then that's that

I totally agree. I certainly get the impression from some people that they feel I shouldn't be dieting.

I didn't want to wait until I was a stone or two overweight and then decide to tackle it. I saw the scales creeping up and up. Okay, maybe only a small amount each time but it would have added up had I ignored it.

At the same time, we should all remember the problems being underweight can cause and think of the people who have problems with their weight being too low - however, i am knowhere near that stage, and i love my food too much so my family should know better

It really is about what makes <i>you</i> happy! (within reason, so of course ana/ ED not apply here!)

Maybe express your goals in terms of fitness - that you want to be fitter or stronger - to help those people adjust their mindset if their negativity is effecting you?

Good luck! I'm not huge, I'm not small, I have 10kg to shift so think I'm about average. But it is annoying when people waste time telling you youre not fat when instead they could be recognising that you're improving your fitness or being healthier, or motivating you (positively) to keep it up

Good Spin on it! I'll offer that suggestion if it happens again - thanks

I think it is a bit of a touchy subject with some people. I get the feeling sometimes that certain people take it as an implied criticism of them. By seeing you addressing your diet or fitness issues it somehow focuses their mind on themselves and they get a bit defensive. Has anyone else found that?

I think it depends on the stress you put on it. As a fat person, there is nothing more galling than seeing someone who obviously falls within an acceptable height/weight range, bemoaning the fact that they've put on a few extra pounds.

If you're packing a few extra stone it's probably affecting your joints, your breathing, your mobility, your sex life ... in fact, every aspect of your life.

If you fall into an acceptable height/weight range but you feel a bit crap because you've put on a bit of weight, it is NOT the equivalent to someone who's quality of life is genuinely affected by their size.

Apart from talking to my daughter and my husband about keeping fit and healthy ( they feel the same as I do, that it is important ) I keep quiet about it.
Yes, I agree that it makes folk feel insecure and question their own attitudes to food and fatness.
When I said it " makes me feel lousy " when I put on say 3 pounds, I mean that I don't feel as energetic and flexible as when at my ideal weight.
It is not , how I look in a dress which is the issue, it's how I feel physically.

Good discussion going on here. There's weight loss and weight loss isn't there? having to lose a few stone is one end of the spectrum, but when you are 'the skinny one' there is also pressure to keep it under control. I was about 10.5 stone when I fell pregnant with my first child, (height 5'2") but after my second, I fell away to 8st 12 very quickly. Knowing how good it feels to be that size is a huge incentive to keep the pounds off, so when I put a few pounds on (like now, after Christmas, for example) I am very quick to take action!

They key is not to make a big song and dance about it, just work hard for a few weeks until it dissapears. If it doesn't come off easily, don't worry too much as you are still healthy, but if it does, enjoy the fabulous new physique!

At the end of the day, our dieting issues are more about the 'fine tuning' of an otherwise healthy body, rather than weight loss as a health issue in itself.

For me, there is a strong drive to stay fit and healthy and the best that I can be. Realistically, there are probably many women who are heavier than me and many who are lighter. Some will be bothered, some won't, but it's my standards that I have to live with, not theirs.

Well said, Jenn, especially the last paragraph. There is nothing more irritating than being told we have nothing to worry about. We know how we feel. I know I feel healthier when my weight is lower. Of course, it is about looking better as well, if we are honest.

I may only have 10 or 12 pounds to lose but if I ignored the warning signs that I was gaining weight it could easily become a stone, two stone etc. On women of a certain age the weight can creep up gradually, be very hard to shift and I can see how I could have a serious weight problem if I didn't keep it in check.

I think this is a brilliant discussion!

Until my thirties I was one of those irritating people who could eat anything and never gain an ounce! Now though it's a different story. And now I find myself thinking that if I'd taken action when the weight gain was a few pounds/kilos, I wouldn't be facing the challenge of losing several stones now - so I think it's good that you are all taking control of your fitness at a stage where it's (relatively) easy to do it.

Good on you...

I'm the same, I'm very active and 5ft 8 so can carry a few extra pounds because of my height. But I've put on about 10lbs over the last year and I want to shift it.

I get comments but you're not fat, but I know I need to lose it as I feel heavier and whilst some is muscle I do have extra inches around the middle that need to go.

If I don't tackle it now, I'll put on a couple more pounds and so it goes on. I've always battled to keep my weight from creeping up but I can control it.

And I'd much prefer to have 10 lbs to lose than get complacent and realise that I have 2 stone or more.

I totally agree with you. It is about tackling the problem when it is in its early stages instead of waiting until it becomes a much bigger problem. My weight was creeping up alarmingly. Either I could choose to ignore it or resolve to do something about it.

I don't think anyone (well, certainly not here) is suggesting getting complacent and waiting until your weight/health is in a really poor state before doing anything about it. And tbh, kudos to those people that have the foresight NOT to let the situation get completely out of control.

But it IS a question of perspective. Its probably more unhealthy to let 10-12lbs become an obsession (obsessive dieting, letting the extra weight control your life in a way it really shouldn't), than carrying the extra 10-12 in the first place (if you see what I mean).



Conversely, there is nothing more irritating when you are clinically overweight or obese, than standing with an average-sized friend (albeit a few pounds heavier than she'd like), screaming "Oh my God, I'm so fat! It's the end of the world!! I can never be seen in public again!"

I see where you are coming from. It easily can become an obsession in that you are thinking about your food and exercise a lot. That is sort of inevitable. But it was because I wasn't thinking about it that it crept up like it did. I agree there is a danger though of it dominating everything. That needs to be kept in check.

As for the clinically obese person with the average-sized friend, you have just described me and my friend Sharon! For sure I avoid talking about my weight and moaning to her about it. If she wants to discuss her weight issues, I am all ears but I am sensitive to the fact that she probably wonders what I have to worry about.

Great discussion, totally agree with everyone about self perception.

Also when you are on the petite side as I am I feel like every extra pound shows in a way that it doesn't on my taller friends. Chatting to a new colleague last week and explained new healthy eating/exercise regime, she said, "but we're the same". We actually had a weight difference of 2 stone (not in my favour needless to say!)
Quite depressing but she looks fab so I've decided to use her as a motivator!

Wendy

Yep, agree with that Wendy. I'm about 5' 1" and it only takes a weight oscillation of about a stone for me to swing between svelte or decidedly rotund. Still, at least that means you can see a difference pretty quickly once you do get motivated! I think I've dropped about a dress size already.

Well done! That's great and so encouraging to keep going. My belt needed to be a hole tighter today, yippee!!
Wendy

Well done to you both! I am pretty sure my trousers were a little tighter around my legs this morning I am putting it down to muscle growth though!

I echo that, well done you two.

EJM, don't get discouraged though I know how easy that is.

When I saw the nurse this week to ask for the blood test and explained why i.e. putting on weight for no apparent reason, she sort of almost dismissed it with 'well, just middle age spread'. Noooooooooo, don't say that. I know of course I am middle aged but inside I feel about 25. Maybe it is inevitable, that no matter what I eat or how much exercise I take, that I will just plumpen up and there is nothing I can do about it. That is a bit of a scary thought.

I actually feel better for conciously doing 20 - 30 minutes of exercise a day - I may well resemble a radish but it makes me feel better and I have more energy. Not sure the pounds are going anywhere much - but they will eventually.

Hi Sue and everyone
I don't think it's inevitable that we'll all get middle aged spread, plenty of people manage not to (hate em! joking of course)

My neightbours, both fit and slim are approaching 70. I'm sure their secret is keeping active. They've got a really bouncy dog and they walk it 3-4 times a day and are always gardening, washing cars etc. They're really inspiring.

They probably don't drink much either as she's always giving me wine that friends have given them, which doesn't help my cause at all. But feeling v.chuffed today, 6.8lbs lighter, YAY!!!

Keep up the good work, Wendy.X

That is great news, Wendy re the weight loss!

I must admit, I felt a bit miffed when the nurse said that to me about middle age spread being inevitable, a bit demoralising. I do think it is easier to put on and harder to shift though, for me certainly. But on a positive note, the healthier diet and exercise is doing me good and people are remarking I look slimmer (well, my daughter anyway and she is always blatantly honest!). So irregardless of weight loss, I am doing something positive and beneficial for my health and knowing that is motivation enough even if the weight loss isn't showing up on the scales yet.

Hi Wendy,

Well done! I've also reached the 6lb loss this morning. I tried on some of my old trousers, and they very almost fitted. Just a little bit further!
I agree keeping active is the key - it's just such an effort though!

Sue, I'd feel as you do about the nurse - mind you it is probably good for motivation, just to prove her wrong! The scales will submit eventually!